Karma, Fate, Love?



It’s funny how things happen when you least expect it.  Is there a plan laid out for all of us?  Or is it merely a coincidence that when you need things the most, they just magically show up.  There are times when I have really wanted something.  Unbearably desired something to happen and it never did. But it was something I dreamed of having.  Not something I really needed.  Because I was generally okay.  Things were going okay.

I really wanted to find a new job for the longest time.  But I already had a good job so there was no need for me to get another one.  But it was something I wanted.  Never happened.

When I was desperate to get out of Russia, the FSB came along and cancelled my visa.  That was unexpected.  When I was down and out and desperate for a job, any job, I went to lunch with an old friend just to network and she offered me a job.  That was unexpected.  When I was depressed and contemplating suicide I had to reach deep inside myself and yank myself out, never imagining I had it in me, and never looking back.  Are the forces inside or out?

Are we subconsciously forging our own destiny?

Growing up TCK I learned to accept things I didn’t like or expect.  I said good bye to four best friends and many more close ones.  I walked away from 16 cities I called home.  But each new place was a new beginning and meant new friends and experiences.  Moving on, bouncing back, was second nature.

Until the last one.  It was different.  I was a single mom, I crawled into a hole and stayed there.  I didn’t make new friends, I didn’t reach out.  I dug in.  I went inside.  Deep inside.  I spent a lot of time exploring my past, and living with my own demons.

I thought releasing them would be enough.  But it was not until I watched an old friend dying that I came into myself again.  His death woke me up.  I had been sleeping and hiding.

I am now fully awake and my old friends are my new friends.  My life is new every day.  And I am again open to the world around me.  It is nice.  I am happy.  Things happen for a reason and they happen when the time is right.

Internal or external?  I think they work together.

What do you think?


  1. The way life pushes and shoves us along never ceases to amaze me – and when we look back we can see quite clearly where each push and shove was leading us, an yet at the time it was all wrapped in fog and confusion…Congratulations on negotiating your hero’s journey… I’ve been there too – who hasn’t !!!

  2. I’m glad you’ve come back up top, and are living each day to the fullest. I think as we get older we begin to realize what matters, and returning to old friends helps us find our groove again. I just saw a quote on someone else’s blog this morning , “Each day we are born again; what we do each day matters most”, it’s a quote from the Buddha.

  3. Our lives are full of seasons, summers full of activities, and suddenly being an “empty nester”. When I reflect on the jobs I wanted and didn’t get and then the events that lead to a new job and with that a whole new life I just feel that everything has its purpose, we just don’t always see it or like it. Watching 2 people I loved die made me within a month made me realize how much time we waste. It’s hard to break old habits, but I think more about doing things that were on my “maybe someday list”

  4. First, happy to read you are in a new day.

    Forces outside of ourselves? I believe in an ultimate destiny – that is, I am not in charge, a higher power is. (I am only responsible for my own actions and behaviors, not others.) After that acknowledgement, my life plays out from my own passions, hard work, never losing focus in spite of the negative, and luck. In that order.

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