“Unresolved grief is something many Third Culture Kids carry with them. So many goodbyes. So many transitions. So many people, places, and versions of ourselves left behind along the way.
In my conversation with Kathleen Gamble, author of Echoes of a Global Life, we explore this often-overlooked aspect of the TCK experience. Kathleen speaks candidly about both the gifts and the challenges of growing up globally, including identity, belonging, loss, resilience, and the impact of unresolved grief.
It’s an honest, thought-provoking, and deeply moving conversation that will resonate with TCKs, global citizens, and anyone who has ever struggled with the question, “Where do I belong?”
🎙️ Tune in to the latest episode of Quiero un Panino con Cheese. This is one you won’t want to miss.”
Pip: ExpatAlien opens a Russia chapter, and it starts exactly where you'd expect a Moscow story to start — with a coffin, a bribed Marine, and a held breath all the way to landing.
Mara: This episode covers the first installment of a memoir-style piece about arriving in Moscow in the 1990s — the uncle who made it possible, the city that made it difficult, and what it cost to get there.
Pip: Let's start with Moscow itself — and the year everything was supposedly wide open.
Moscow in the 1990s: History, Heat, and a Harrowing Arrival
Mara: The post opens not at the beginning but at the end of something — a death, a diplomatic scramble, a package that needed to disappear. The question underneath all of it is: how did a thirty-two-year-old from Washington, DC end up in Moscow in the first place?
Pip: The uncle, Gerome, is the key. Career State Department, fluent in Russian, second posting to Moscow — and his go-to summary of the place was, "things have changed but things have not changed."
Mara: That line does a lot of work. It's 1993, the Soviet Union has collapsed two years earlier, and the post describes Russia as "wide open — history in the making, anything was possible." Gerome had seen the before. He knew what the after was worth.
Pip: And yet his final assignment wasn't Paris or Fiji. Moscow in the nineties — which, fair enough, is exactly the kind of posting that sounds glamorous until you're in an un-airconditioned airport watching your clothes stick to you.
Mara: That arrival scene lands hard. The post describes slogging "past surly looking customs officials through the double doors" into the heat, then a ride to a Soviet-era compound — prefab concrete blocks, a security gate, small windows with no screens.
Pip: The accommodation verdict: "It wasn't horrible. It was adequate." High praise.
Mara: Gerome's apartment was two bedrooms, fairly functional. Two weeks after arrival, she watched it briefly snow in the kitchen window. The post calls that a welcome to Russia moment, and it earns it.
Mara: What gives the whole setup its weight is the framing at the top — the coffin, the bribed Marine, the breath held from embassy to airport to landing. That's where Moscow – a blip in time, part 1 begins, and it promises the rest of the story will be worth the discomfort of telling it.
Pip: The post itself says as much: "I find it hard to write about my time in Russia. I try to block it out most of the time. But I need to tell you my story. I think it is important." That's a real opening.
Pip: A diplomat's final posting, a niece who talked her way into a visa, and a city that greeted her with heat and concrete. Part two has a lot to live up to.
Mara: The Soviet Union fell, but the surly customs officials remained. We'll be back when part two arrives.
It had been a difficult two weeks. My uncle, Gerome, was going home in a coffin. It was days away from his 61stbirthday. I was in shock. I had no idea what to do. Luckily the US Embassy in Moscow knew exactly what to do. They made all the arrangements and because he was a diplomat, many corners were cut. I knew I had to get a small packet out and figured the best way to do that was to have it on his person. It was harrowing to sneak it into the coffin, but I was able to bribe a Marine (who knew you could do that!) and accomplished the mission. It didn’t help my nerves, though. I pretty much held my breath from embassy to airport to airplane to landing. I had been on a steep learning curve ever since arriving in Moscow one year earlier.
I find it hard to write about my time in Russia. I try to block it out most of the time. I don’t want to remember. I start to write and my mind drifts. A slide show of all the people and moments of being very uncomfortable. Moments of anxiety. But I need to tell you my story. I think it is important.
My uncle, Gerome, was a career State Department Employee on his final assignment in Moscow, Russia. Not sure why that was his final gig. It seemed to me if you had been doing it for as long as he had, they would have rewarded him with a spot in Paris or Fiji. But Moscow it was. Maybe because it was the 1990’s and Moscow was the place to be. The Soviet Union had fallen apart at the end of 1991 and Russia was wide open. History in the making. Anything was possible.
Gerome was my father’s oldest brother. Even though they were ten years apart, they were still close. Growing up on a farm in Iowa, they were comfortable with having guns around and shooting. As a teen Gerome shot rabbits and sold their pelts for a penny or two. His mother often sent him out to kill a chicken for dinner. I never saw him eat chicken. He started driving and delivering fresh milk at fourteen. He didn’t drink milk either. He always dreamed of traveling. Getting away. He was quiet and introspective. A loner. Hard to pin down. Easy to get along with. Levelheaded. But friendly none the less. And smart. Tall and thin, dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Nice looking. Never married. Not gay. More of a ladies’ man. He had causal relationships. Although he was a career diplomat, he was not a manager or a director. His career seemed to stall along the way. He didn’t really rise through the ranks, he just kind of floated along at the same level. He didn’t seem to mind. He seemed to be happy with what he was doing. Whatever that was. It was always kind of vague. He had lived all over the world.
This was his second assignment to Russia/Soviet Union. He was fluent in Russian. Posted to Moscow in the 70’s, he never talked about those days other than to say, “things have changed but things have not changed”. It was his favorite phrase.
I was wasting away at a dead-end government job working for the National Furniture Center in Washington, DC. We were shipping desks to military personnel in Iraq. I needed a change. I talked Gerome into getting me a visa for three months so I could go soak up a new culture, a new world. I was dreaming of launching my new writing career. I figured if nothing else, it would give me something to write about. I don’t think he was thrilled at the prospect of having a thirty-two-year-old taking up space around him. A girl who didn’t speak a word of Russian. He must of have been nuts to agree to it. But he did.
I had visited him when he was living in Africa and then I had done some traveling on my own so I wasn’t completely green. I had some international experience and spoke Spanish and French. I just needed to catch up on my Russian language and history. How hard could it be? I was very naïve and presumptuous. Had I known what was in store for me, I might have thought twice about the whole thing.
The plan was to arrive in time for Gerome’s 60th birthday. I would help him celebrate and hopefully give him something to think about other than his aging self. Of course, I didn’t know him very well. Turns out he had plenty to think about.
I arrived in mid-June 1993. It was hot. I don’t really sweat much, but I was evolving. My clothes were sticking to me. All my bulges were showing through my cotton shirt. My pants were wet. My hair was sticking out. Wet. Ugh. How does it get so hot? This wasn’t Africa. This wasn’t the jungle. This was an un-airconditioned airport in Europe. Well, kind of in Europe. And it was awful.
I slogged past surly looking customs officials through the double doors where I was greeted by Gerome, and his car and driver. After a harrowing ride with all windows wide open we arrived at the security gate in front of Gerome’s apartment building. The Soviets provided compounds for foreigners. There was a gate with a security official who checked everybody into the parking lot. These were mostly for diplomats, but they included journalists as well. The apartment buildings were built in blocks. Each block had several entrances. Big, tall concrete prefab monstrosities. Ugly.
Gerome had been assigned a two-bedroom apartment that was fairly nice. It wasn’t horrible. It was adequate. At least I had my own room. It was small, though. And hot. The windows that actually opened were small and had no screens. The heat just lingered. No movement. My only consolation was that we were on the 55th parallel north in latitude and more or less even with Vancouver, Canada so I imagined it couldn’t possibly stay this hot for long. In fact, I sat in the kitchen two weeks later and watched it briefly snow. Welcome to Russia.
This is a work of fiction based on my time in Russia in the 1990’s. Check out my memoir, Echoes of a Global Life.
It’s only 47 degrees F at the moment but I am hopeful. Warmth is on its way.
My TCK/Expat Films and Books page lists Memoirs by TCK and Expats, Films by and about TCKs, Resources for TCKs, and Fiction by or about TCKs. I recently updated and re-organized it.
I started reading TCK/Expat memoirs about 15 years. ago. As I read them, I put them on my website. Some I reviewed, some I didn’t. A lot of it was research for my book but also it was interesting. I learned a lot about Third Culture Kids (people who grew up outside their passport country because of their parent’s work). I recently came across a Ted Talk presented by a woman who is trying her best to educate people about TCK’s. It was such an important moment when she discovered her “tribe”, she wants spread the word. She founded TCK.Global where you can read TCK stories or share your own.
Other books I have read recently are The Rarest Fruit by Gaelle Belem and The Correspondent by Virginia Evans.
The Rarest Fruit is about a young slave boy who lives on the island of La Reunion near Madagascar. At twelve years old this boy figures out how to manually cross pollinate the orchid that produces the vanilla bean. This changed the whole industry and the economy of the island and in turn many other places as well. The story is kind of bitter sweet. It is a true story and reflects the times. I learned a lot.
The Correspondent is about an older woman who has written letters her whole life. She writes to authors she likes, to her children, to her friends, her ex-husband, her lover, her neighbor. We learn about her long life and her daily life through her letters. It is an easy read and very enjoyable.
I also read Murder on Lake Garda. A murder mystery that was kind of wordy and not really my favorite. I’m currently reading a Bridgerton novel by Julia Quinn. I’m trying to write a spy/romance novel so need to start researching. Not that Bridgerton has anything to do with spies, but she does a good job with the romance. Next up are Gabriel’s Moon by William Boyd, Magical Disinformation by Lachlan Page, and Black Ice by Anne Stuart. Wish me luck.
Toubab Tales: the Joys and Trials of Expat Life in Africa By Rob Baker (2020)
I really enjoyed this book. The Baker family lived in Benin and Ivory Coast before moving to Bamako, Mali. Mrs. Baker is there to teach international children at a small mission school. Rob is an ethnomusicologist, studying Mali’s musical traditions.
Rob tells the story of life in Bamako and his travels to remote places to study music and musical instruments. He attends a music festival in Timbuktu, travels by motorbike to remote villages. In one village his colleague is bit by a very poisonous snake and it is a mad dash to get him to anti venom serum before he dies. Rob has many adventures in the far reaches of the country.
It all culminates with a military coup, street fighting, martial law, and a rather hurried escape.
It is too bad. Now it is not possible to visit Mali due to the political instability and civil unrest. It sounds like a fascinating place.
Crimson skies over Shovel Point and Lake Superior Tettegouche State Park, Minnesota
This is a postcard, I believe from the 1950’s or thereabouts.
This channel connects the upper and lower lakes of Minnetonka. Lake Minnetonka located about 15 miles west of Minneapolis has over 300 miles of shore-line. It is noted for its scenic beauty, fishing, sailing and a summer playground. A large amusement part is on the water’s edge at Excelsior, Minnesota.
Apparently the amusement park was there from1925 to 1973.
A familiar winter sight in the northland are dog teams powering sleds across sparkling fields of snow. Once a necessary means of winter transportation, dog sledding has evolved into an exciting winter sport with races for both amateurs and professionals.
Ely, Minnesota 1978
Minnehaha Falls
Visit The First City on the Mississippi. Bemidji, home of the legendary Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox!
The United Nations global theme for 2026 International Women’s Day is:
“Rights. Justice. Action. For ALL Women and Girls.”
This theme focuses on strengthening access to justice for all women and girls. It calls for dismantling discriminatory laws, strengthening legal protections, addressing structural barriers, and ensuring that justice systems work for women and girls in practice.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
The first Women’s Day was held in 1911 and in 1914 March 8th became the official International Women’s Day. In 1917 the women of Russia staged a protest for “Bread and Peace” in response to the death of over 2 million Russian soldiers. They protested for four days until the Czar abdicated and the provisional government granted them the right to vote. Their protest started on March 8th. Women in the 1970’s again rose and fought for women’s rights and equality. In the West much was accomplished and women entered the workforce and gained more equality and legislative rights.
Over the years the movement grew and today about 27 countries around the world celebrate March 8thas an official holiday, and many more as an unofficial holiday.
However, there is still considerable inequality. Women do not have equal rights or equal pay. Many women around the world are still dealing with forced marriages, slavery and horrible working conditions. In the USA rights are being taken away, not added.
Celebrate who we are and what we have. But don’t settle.
“Countries with more gender equality have better economic growth. Companies with more women leaders perform better. Peace agreements that include women are more durable. Parliaments with more women enact more legislation on key social issues such as health, education, anti-discrimination and child support. The evidence is clear: equality for women means progress for all.” — Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon (2014)
I recently read a couple of books on the Lost Generation. Gertrude Stein An Afterlife by Francesca Wade was excellent. If you are a Gertrude fan, like I am. This book covers her life but also tells us what happened after her death. Where all her writing went, what happened to Alice. Gertrude was pretty much a nut but she had a very interesting life. I found out that in December 1970, long after she and most of her family were dead, the MOMA in New York City put on an exhibit of all the paintings they purchased. They were able to gather them up from various owners around the world and put on a show called Four Americans in Paris featuring the collected art purchased by Gertrude, her brothers Leo and Michael and Michael’s wife, Sarah.
Gertrude and her two brothers, Leo and Michael
I managed to find the brochure from the MOMA website. The exhibit is impressive with about 100 Picasso’s alone, along with Matisse, Manet, Laurencin, Gris, Cezanne and many others.
I also read The Paris Wife by Paula McLain. It is a novel based on Hemingway’s first wife, Hadley Richardson. Of course Gertrude is in it as well as Fitzgerald, Pound and others. It was an easy and interesting read. I learned a lot about Hemingway and the others. I got the impression that Hadley was his one and only true love. It made me want to learn more about Hemingway. He was another character.
I read one other book that had nothing to do with Paris. It came with all kinds of recommendations from celebrities and is on lots of “lists”. This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel. It is a novel about a family with five boys except the youngest wants to be a girl. To be honest I thought this book was pretty ridiculous. But since it was presented as a novel, I read the whole thing. What topped it off for me was the Author’s Note at the end where the author spends three pages telling us about her transgender child and that this book has nothing to do with her personal story. Why? Who cares? There is no way I could ever believe this story was true. It was totally unrealistic. No reason to tell me it was not true and no reason to spend three pages doing it. Ugh.
Yes, the subject is real but the way this family handled it was truly unbelievable. My opinion.
The New Otani 10-acre Classical Japanese Garden Tokyo, Japan
The Imperial Hotel, Tokyo
The Imperial Hotel, built by Frank Loyd Wright, opened in 1923. It was demolished in 1968 and replaced by a high rise structure. My family stayed there in 1959, when we were on our way from Burma to the United States.
This postcard was written to my grandmother from some friends of hers traveling in Asia in August, 1961. I think the stamp is pretty cool.
I arrived here in this fabulous city of Tokyo after very pleasant jet air rides (without incident). Bob and I are enjoying our visit here very much and we’ll fly on to Taiwan a couple of days. The Japanese people are busy, clean and well dressed in American styles mostly. The children are adorable. The traffic is terrific and fast! We walked along the Ginza last night – it is hot but everyone fans – and doesn’t seem to mind it. Even the men use fans. We have rooms in the new part of this hotel. Best wishes, Cornelia
Kyoto, Japan
Enjoying a Cool at the Ryogoku-bashi Bridge by Utamaro Kitagawa (1753-1806), Ukiyoe A Series of Six Pictures
The Buddha of Kamakura
1971
We have been in Nara for a week in a stunning Japanese style room. Asian Education Conference. Am deep in the writings of the Buddha.
The Buddha of Kamakura – built in 1252, is the largest Buddha next to the Buddha in Nara. IT is well known as a “handsome” Buddha.
A thousand and one images of Buddha at Sanjusangendo Hall, Kyoto. (Actually this is the temple of Rengeō-in. This main hall dates back to 1266 and these figures are standing Kannon, the Goddess of Mercy (Avalokiteshvara).)
1984
You should come to visit Japan as holiday with your wife. My family can speak English. You are welcome.
Best wishes, Yoshi
1992
Greetings
We are knee deep in pink and white cherry blossoms speeding on to Kyoto to see the last of them as well as the countryside – Erik and Kilena have an enormous modern apt., an all white kitchen I would kill for. Have done lots of sightseeing – no end to Tokyo so no rest for the weary but we are having a marvelous time. Weather is sunny in 70’s perfect. We both send love,
Gunta
The world fastest “bullet train” on the New Tokaido Line Shizuoka.
Toshogu Shrine, Nikko
September 1978
Enroute Tokyo. I just lost a day in crossing the Intl. Date Line. Maybe someday I can make it up. I doubt that I will get to Nikko to see this shrine on the trip but we have a picture of you there. Hope you got your auto insurance ok.
Love, Bill
Aerial View of Tokyo
February 1970
Singapore
We got this card on the airplane yesterday – we are Not in Tokyo. Singapore is a lovely city – we toured it today and will take a tour of the harbor in the morning. It is one of the largest shipping harbors in the world. Off to Indonesia tomorrow aft – again on JAL. Bill had a nice Bday yesterday – dinner and dancing in the eve!
Love, Mom
Tokyo – the beauty of Japan caresses you… as gently as Empress service takes you there. @1960’s
Kunimatsu Dressmaking School, 1952 Yoshio Hayakawa, Japanese, born 1917
