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Searching for Home in Tibet

I was originally drawn to this book for two reasons. One, Tibet is on my bucket list and I am determined to go there. Second, the tag line, A Journey in Search of Home made me think it had something to do with being a Third Culture Kid. TCK’s never know where home is.

This book is not about Tibet or TCK’s. Haha. Laughs on me. However, it is an amazing book!

Several years ago I had explored taking a trip to the Upper Mustang Region of Nepal. It is a remote place on the Tibetan border. Upper Mustang was a restricted area and forbidden to outsiders until 1992. Even today one needs special permits to go there and there is a limit of 1000 permits per year. It was formerly known as the Kingdom of Lo and became a dependency of Nepal from 1795 to 2008, when it ceased to exist. The capital was the ancient walled city of Lo-Manthang. It is known for its rich Tibetan culture and history.

Rose Lane, an Australian, discovered her family home was going to be sold. She hadn’t lived there in years but when she heard this it hit her hard. She felt loss and grief. As she travels on horseback through this very remote area, she reflects on what that house meant to her and the important moments she lived through growing up in that house.

It is a journey of self discovery but also a real journey. She carries with her a copy of Michael Piessel’s book, Mustang: A Lost Tibetan Kingdom, which was published in 1967. He was one of the first if not the first person from the West to travel to and write about the area. Rose notices garbage along the way, motorcycles, things he would not have seen. There is now a semblance of a road that allows people to travel on four-wheel drive jeeps to the area but mostly people still go as trekkers or on horseback. She imagined herself as Freya Stark or Alexandra David-Neel, a fearless woman explorer.

Rose takes us through vast areas of empty mountain deserts. I wished there were photos because it sounded like it was breathtaking. The trip was not easy, it was rugged. No hot water, squat toilet outhouses, milky tea and noodles, and very high altitudes but amazing sights. Monasteries, palaces, prayer flags. All worn and many destroyed from the recent earthquake.

I was enthralled by it all.

At one point she says she would like to go to Timbuktu but it is impossible to get there these days. She contacted a friend about going there and he told her that she could try stowing away in a boat and go up the river. And here is my favorite quote of the book:

“There’s fearless and then there’s stupid.”

The Question of “Home”

Re-posting this, just because….

The eternal TCK** question –   Where is “home”?

Dictionary.com tells us the following

home [hohm]

noun

1. a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.

2. the place in which one’s domestic affections are centered.

3. an institution for the homeless, sick, etc.: a nursing home.

4. the dwelling place or retreat of an animal.

5. the place or region where something is native or most common.

Synonyms

1.  abode, dwelling, habitation; domicile. See house.

2.  hearth, fireside.

3.  asylum.

For Third Culture Kids or Global Nomads, it is an ongoing topic.  The eternal question – where are you from?  Where is your home?  These are not easy questions to answer.  Home is here and everywhere.  I am from here and everywhere.

That very last word is my favorite.  Asylum.  The place where you feel safe.  That is where home is.  That is where home should be.  What makes you feel safe?  People you trust.  People who love you.  Mutual understanding and respect.  Comfort.  Growing up, my home was always where my family was, unless I was with them, and then it was wherever we were.  It didn’t matter if it was a hotel room or a house or an airport.  As long as we were together and had a pack of cards nearby, we were at home.  A good card game could get us through anything.  Some of my fondest memories are of blackouts during torrential rainstorms playing cards by candlelight.

We all continue to search for the elusive “home” but I think we know where to find it when we really need it.

“The strength of this family bond works to the benefit of children when parent-child communication is good and the overall family dynamic is healthy. It can be devastating when it is not. Compared to the geographically stable child, the global-nomad child is inordinately reliant on the nuclear family for affirmation, behavior-modeling, support and above all, a place of safety. The impact, therefore, of dysfunction in this most basic of units in exacerbated by the mobile lifestyle.”

Excerpt from GROWING UP WITH A WORLD VIEW By Norma M. McCaig

**TCK’s are people who lived outside their passport country as a child

A House in Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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Ferdinand Schlesinger was one of the wealthiest men in Milwaukee. There is a story that on a trip to Paris he purchased a beautiful crystal chandelier for a new home he had recently built. He carried it back to Milwaukee in his suitcase.

This chandelier ended up in his daughter, Gertrude’s home. Gertrude had been married to Osker Roller, an officer in the Austrian army but returned to Milwaukee in 1915 and filed for divorce. Osker died before the divorce was final making her a widow.

Gertrude married Myron MacLaren in 1918, also a wealthy Milwaukee socialite. As a wedding present he built a Tudor Revival house for his new bride and construction began in 1920. Gertrude’s father died on his way to California in 1921. The house was completed in 1923 and the chandelier still hangs there today.

Gertrude herself has an interesting history. She divorced Myron in 1927. She stayed in the house and he moved out. She then married Clifford McMillen in 1928. They left the house in charge of a caretaker while they traveled and moved around. In the 1930’s they divorced.

At this time both Myron and Gertrude were single at the same time and re-married in 1936. They moved back into the Turdor home with all their children from the various marriages. Myron died in 1941 at the age of 54.

Gertrude continued to live in the house until 1947 when she married Theron MacLeod. In 1949 she sold the house to the University of Wisconsin for $80,000.

In 1950 Gertrude divorced Theron and married Douglas Parmentier in Los Angeles, California. It was her sixth marriage.

For a while the house served as a woman’s dormitory. Today it is known as Alumni House and serves as a center for university alumni.  It sits on 3.2 acres on a bluff above Lake Michigan.

 

The Question of “Home”

 

I have read several blogs recently on the subject of “home”.  Where is “home”?

Dictionary.com tells us the following

home [hohm]

noun

1. a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.

2. the place in which one’s domestic affections are centered.

3. an institution for the homeless, sick, etc.: a nursing home.

4. the dwelling place or retreat of an animal.

5. the place or region where something is native or most common.

Synonyms

1.  abode, dwelling, habitation; domicile. See house.

2.  hearth, fireside.

3.  asylum.

For TCKs or Global Nomads, it is an ongoing topic.  The eternal question – where are you from?  Where is your home?  These are not easy questions to answer.  Home is here and everywhere.  I am from here and everywhere.

That very last word is my favorite.  Asylum.  The place where you feel safe.  That is where home is.  That is where home should be.  What makes you feel safe?  People you trust.  People who love you.  Mutual understanding and respect.  Comfort.  Growing up, my home was always where my family was, unless I was with them, and then it was wherever we were.  It didn’t matter if it was a hotel room or a house or an airport.  As long as we were together and had a pack of cards nearby, we were at home.  A good card game could get us through anything.  Some of my fondest memories are of blackouts during torrential rainstorms playing cards by candlelight.

We all continue to search for the elusive “home” but I think we know where to find it when we really need it.

 

“The strength of this family bond works to the benefit of children when parent-child communication is good and the overall family dynamic is healthy. It can be devastating when it is not. Compared to the geographically stable child, the global-nomad child is inordinately reliant on the nuclear family for affirmation, behavior-modeling, support and above all, a place of safety. The impact, therefore, of dysfunction in this most basic of units in exacerbated by the mobile lifestyle.”

Excerpt from GROWING UP WITH A WORLD VIEW By Norma M. McCaig